Boy I had a hard time waking up this morning. Sitting here at midnight typing up this jouornal trying to recall your perfect day is quite fun. Working isn’t as easy anymore when you got alot of thinking to do and think about. But even with all this; I tried to make the best of my morning. I woke up at 4am with the alarm buzzing the crap out of my head. I quickly placed on some clothes and ran to Liberty Tax and Lynn St church to grab my papers and start working. While working I decided to give Melissa a phone call and discuss about church life; how to teach my kid if I get custody, dont get custody, or visitation. What ever the ending to this custody I will make the best of it. After talking with Melissa I realize that its always best to provide a good enviroment for Trieu. To being a great parent I now know that having a family providing to a child is differnet. Now if I do get full custody some of the burden is going to double the impact. If I do get custody I will of course teach my on the value of being a Vietnamese and the respect that we have give. First thing I will teach my son is to call me correctly “ba”: “dad”; “father”. What ever it comes down to its better then calling me by my birth name. Second thing I’m going to do is teaching my what I missed. When I got united state on the last boat to America I had a tought time fighting the languages barriers with no father support in my learning stages. Now that I have an opportunity to give my son support on his education. I will always be there to explain any engish terms that he dosn’t knonw. I’ll try my best to explain what vietnamese terms he doesn’t know with the aid of my real father and mother support. I will also be taking classes that benefits my son. Even with full custody I’ll let his mother be a part of his life. No childrens should be withhout mother or father. The lecture and advice that Melissa give has made me realize that the kid is the most important. Whether the joint costody or full costody or even no custody makes no different at all. It all comes down to one point at the end “the healthy of the child”. After thinking about it while throwing papers out the window I realize I’m suitable for the job. My wife want full custody but I cannot give that because when marriages comes to a state where divorce is the only option and no other way we can solve it then it results in no trust. At this point I cannot trust her words due to the lies she made; on the other hands its the same way she feels as well. Therefore fighting for full custody is my last option and hopping to get atleast joint physical custody. I’m glad that my son at this age doesn’t know much of whats going on. I hope that my last 5 days of visting my son will leave an imprint in his head what I’ve done. What I’m afraid is that the fatherhood and the type that I spent with my son every morning to times at work will not be forgot. At such a teender age its really hard to have him remember all this. At this point I realize that life is all about communication. When communication comes to an end its hard to reconnect.
All the chitchat took up all my time. I finished my routes by 6 I think. I wasn’t aware when I was done. But sure having a friend really makes a different. It sure does help type fly by without your son.
After work I went directly home and slept for a few hours. Around 10 I met up with Kathryn to see my options of lawyers. I wanted to see what all 4 lawyers said. 3 of the lawyers said that I got zero chances because government usually leans towards the mother side more because at tender age they need their mother more. I refuse to see this as as the fact so I went with Christina because she gives me the hope that all father hope to hear. Therefore I called her immediately after that and stated I will be hiring her. She gave me an appointment at 1 on monday. The magical number to me now since it will be the first meeting with an official lawyer that will be taking my case. I choosed her to be my lawyers because of the honesty that she given me at the initial consultation that we had a few days back. She gave me hope knowing that government has change to a degree that father isn’t left out in the picture of the child growing up stages. Right there it means everything to me this world. It’s the light of hope that allows me to believe this is my lawyer who I want to hire. She gave me a feeling that she accepted the case not because she need the money. She made me feel that she accepted the case because she trusted me even when I havent given her clearly all the facts yet. Shes the only lawyers that tell me that “primary caregiver” is an important role while other stated that that mother is automatically given custody at this tender age whether I’m primary caregive or not it will be a huge impact on judges decision making.
At 11 I went to pick up my son at my wife house. Knocking on the door; grandma opened and my son ran to the door yelling “Trong Trong Trong!” That warm feeling of my son voice made my day a happier day knowing that I loved the guy from the bottom of my heart. I stood outside and waited while grandma made him a bowl of rice with some meats in it. I reached in and grabbed the baby car seat and went outside to strap down the baby seat in my car. I went back to the house and told grandma that I will be dropping my son off around 4 or so. After grandma was done I decided to head over to Al’s place to feed him there like every day I been doing since I met Al’s. While sitting here typing this journal another imprints of the way my son walk up that stairs with his hands holding the pole sticks of the hand rail flashes back in my head. My son tries so hard going up those stairs . As soon as he made to the top of the stairs he quickly ran directly to Al’s place knocking on his door. He turned his head around and yell in his baby voice “Trong Trong!” Even though all the words he ever use to me when he needs me is “Trong” I can simple understand what he wants. While at Al’s he continue to play aruond with Al’s toys. Al’s seem to like it when I bring my son over because of the way my son dig’s through Al’s stuff. I love it out he runs into Al’s house and the first thing he search for is those green Ice Breakers boxes that all leave around. Since my wife isolation enviroment that she made my son and I stick to limiting what we can do daily. I found Al’s place very peaceful place. I enjoy watching my son hunt for his candies all over the house from refrigerator to corners of the house. My son love to play with Al’s sticky notes. Al’s has limited vision and has short term meory so he writes down everything on sticky notes. Al’s just sit there and stare at my son writing all over his sticky notes with every pages having 1 mark. This time it’s different. He does this often when we’re at Al’s but this time I’m more aware. Each pages of sticky notes he drew on is an art to me. An art that it could be the last time I’ll see my son. Which is what it seem like at the end of the day. I know I been planing how my son is raise up since the day he was born but this time over at Al’s the awareness is higher then usually. After finish feeding him he became very grumppy which is a sign of sleepynenss. He tugged on my legs letting me know hes sleepy. I kept going for 5 more minutes almost complete with fixing Al’s computer. After about 5 minute I picked him up and went to the message chair with my son. I lay there and watched channel 42 with my son. Usually I would let my son watch channel 118 sprout channel. Ever since I got sprout channal a couple months back I notice my son learned more english. But anyways afer laying on the message chair my son fell asleep fast. His body heat leaning against my chest made me feel warm. Its the feeling of protection. I remember when I was a kid left at the playground.. With the limited eyes vision I had when I went to Garfield Elementary in Olympia I always felt that I was being left alone. Ms. Huhta my first grade teacher was always the voice I hear come running towards me when I give out a loud scream. Sitting here with flashes back of my childhood; I want to provide that same protection that Ms. Huhta has given me to my child. Serveral times today I felt like giving up on the custody because fighting for it is going to cost so much money and pain for both side. I realized that I cannot do that because the trust for my wife is lost. If I give my wife full custody then I might lose the privilege That’s why I decided that it better to fight for a chance then walking away. Sitting here remembering back Ms. Huhta always remind me never to give up. All the teachers I had from Elementary, Middle, High, and even colleges remind me not to give up. There’s nothing better than knowing I got chances and hope.
My son slept in my arms till around 3. We went to the bank to deposit the check I received from the herald. Then we went to the kiddies toys by target. Getting my son to play with toys was hard this time. He ran straight to the toys venting machine. He pointed at those balls and yelled again “Trong! Trong! Trong!”. I knew that he wanted me to play. After spending 10 dollars trying to grab a ball for him decided to buy one instead. It’s hard! If any of you reading this don’t think I’m a loser now! I’m tried but hey guys its better cheaper to buy one then keep playing. I’m trying to save every dime for this little dudes of mine here. But anyways continuing on my wonderful last day of being with Trieu after today incident. After getting my son a BOUGHT ball he finally played on the toys. After that I went change his diapers and took my son to my house. Even after changing his diapers he stink bad. We went shower together. It was fun playing ball with him in the bath tub. As soon as we’re done I realize its almost 4. I got him dressed and drove him back to his mother apartment. I spent what seem like 10 minutes of knocking on the door but no one answered. I put my son back into the car and drove him around . After driving awhile I drive him back home. Finally this time as soon as I pulled up the packing space I saw grandpa car there knowing that he is home. This brought to my attention that how will my wife and her family take care of my son. My father in-law works full time at hertco kitchen. My mother in-law has diabetics. My wife works full time at Jimmy’s Personal Care. Now it all comes down to daycare where they won’t be able to feed my son like I do. I don’t see why my wife wants full custody when she doesn’t have the time for him. Is it because she want DSHS support and child support. Now that brings back another bad memory. We makes enough money to sustain family but why would my wife want to report her income 800 when she makes more than that. Government is going through a hard time right now. Her parents cant watch over my son. My father-in-law is lazi and refuse to watch over him. Mother is sick and I’m here!
After dropping my son off I went home and lay down for a bit.
Bishop Scott Chamber called around 5 asking if we can meet up. We met up at Cornwall Park on Meridian entrance. Boy I tell ya the walk with him was great. He made me realize that even though I felt alone now there’s always support out there that willing to give you a hand. He gave me energy to continue on the path that I think is right which is to fight for what’s right. That little 1 hour stroll around the park really made me feel that its not the end of the world. I have to start creating a better home for my son. Creating an environment that my son can use his aging excelling ability to improve his learning abilities. At that point I’m am now determine to working on finding a place to stay while I’m waiting for courts custody decision. I’ll be working on a parenting plan schedule for myself. The walk with Bishop Scott was short but it really relaxed me. After the walk I went home and slept. Falling a sleep was easier then I thought. I lay down and I was a sleep when I don’t even remember.
Around 9:30 the phone rang, I kept sleeping through it but at the last minute I turned over to pick up the phone. I heard a girls voice and screaming. I listened carefully who it was. There she was; it was my wife screaming my brains out. I woke up that instant trying to catch on what she is trying to say. She got really upset because I wrote journals again. What I did and what I felt. I don’t know if there is any restriction in the law that you cannot write journals on the web. Theres nothing about me that I should hide from the web. She is also made that I am bringing in all the credit cards debit that I owe since we got marry. I decided that I cannot inhale and take everything alone anymore. I always tried to take every beating that her father, mother, and her did to me hoping it would past another day. No one understands that I had to take in so much because I’m a guy. Sometimes I wonder if I’m born into the wrong sex. My real father always thinks that I should be a girl. But anyways its about time that I share some of responsibilities that I took on. She accused me that I used her name to apply credit cards. She can run a credit report and then it will say that she got no credit cards at all. All the cards we used to purchase stuff for our house are from my credit card. She kept stating that she will go full throttle now since I pushed the bottom. I don’t see anything wrong with sharing debits. Why should I take on this alone. With the help of the friends I had; I realize I shouldn’t be scared because facts always come out. Even guys who got locked for 20 years DNA proved they are not guilty. So for me the facts are there so nothing to be afraid of. My wife threated that if I ever come over there asking to take her son then she will call the cops. That’s when I knew if I come over there it’s the end of my life. Therefore I have to stand up and be a man. Try to put the love for my son aside and wait for the judge decision who fits more to have custody of my son.
I’m not stating anything against anyone but what happen in my life. My wife hated that I write journals. Ever since I met her I stopped writing journals. I sometimes sneak a few here and there but after this separation I felt more free. I can type what happen in my days to share to those high school friends that still read my journals from time to time. She was mad because I stated that I love her on my journal. She is mad because I stated that on our pictures album gallery has pictures of love in a family. She threat me that if I don’t stop writing journals then she will play “full hand”; I then took a deep breath and just hung up on here. I don’t like threats. If she wan to do what she want then just do what she gotta do. After talking with Bishop Scott and Melissa this morning it made me realize that no matter what tries to stop you. The best is follow my heart. I will continue to write journals of my life. I will tell the truth what I am doing in my life. What hurts most in this life time so far is the the cheating that I adapted when I am a part of my wife’s controlling and abusive family. My wife doesn’t allow me to hang out with other people. As soon as I make a friend she will chew them off if they appear too often. The only person she actually show respect to is my boss Geary when he came over. Every friend that I made in Bellingham she ran them off. Sometimes when my son is sleep I got out of bed early and have grandma watch over my son for a bit while I do computer fixing for my customers she would call and yell at me. Asking why am I leaving my son at home. Yelling at me for not taking my son with me and feeding him. Therefore I stopped taking much new customer job request. I only took on jobs request from same customer that need help. They all understand that I had to take my son along. That’s an abusive relationship that I didn’t see till now. I loved my wife so I give the world to her even if I can. My wife is abusive; controlling what I can do and cant isn’t important to me when I was in the relationship. Same motto that I adapted “Just give it all to another family day to past by”. I lived by this motto so I ignore what went on. I spent the day time watching over my kid. I spent even night time watching him. Only time I got to myself is when my wife does decided to come home early and feel like watching over the kid. Only time I got to myself is when my son is sleeping and that’s when I can close my eyes for a few hours till the job is backup and running.
Sorry guys! Fans of this website! That’s the reason why this site isn’t updated as much anymore! Its also why I quit playing Tibia as much. I’m a family man and I love them from the bottom of my heart. I loved my wife and child. Now its time to stand up and breath to figure what I want.