Today was a rough day due to the fact that I had to see my STBX (soon to be ex wife). I don’t want to see her because I am already hurt as I am already. But then due to my son health I had to continue to keep a stable communication with my STBX. I just want to distance myself for awhile so I can use the time to heal myself. It really hurts because of all the suffering that I had to take. I of course want a relationship that we all try to work it out so it wont influence Trieu growing up. Now that I see him tore about from his mother and father it really hurts. I can tell every single day of my life he doesn’t know what’s going on. Some days he has to go to his mother and some days he stay with me. I sit here and watch my son attitude change as he moves from one place to another. His attitude isn’t the same anymore. Only way I can cover up his pain is love him a lot more.
The only difference is that I know how to speak. When I was together with Tran (STBX) I just keep quiet even though I can talk. I ignore her going out to party at night. I ignore her treating me like a dog. I am the only one trying to work with the relationship so we can keep a perfect family but I guess the first feeling you get isn’t always avoidable. Certain things we can avoid but deep down inside we can’t avoid it. If she doesn’t love me anymore then I can’t push it. But then this bring me back to my son. I can speak up for myself and my son when he was in the house. But I never did. It is no different from being mute not being able to talk.
Now when I put my son into this situation it hurts a lot more. I may be the one not being able to talk because I want to keep a family of 3 together. Mother, father and son together as one complete family. But on the other hand my son knows what’s wrong but he can’t say what his hearts is missing. He is missing his mother and missing his father. He is wondering what happen to them as he grew up. He probably is wondering at this age that he seen mother and father together up to this age and all of a sudden he doesn’t see them anymore…..how can he say this when he can’t talk?
After taking that parenting plan class it made me think more about my son health. It made me realize that decision we made as adult affects our son. Now I see why Washington State gives us 90 days to think about our divorce instead of jumping into conclusion. Divorce is a huge thing that affects our children. Sometimes it just take simple things to solve such as therapy or classes that help couples communicate. I wish that was the case but with STBX friends motivating her to leave my son and I it’s hard to even talk to her. So this divorce is not avoidable. But I can say it will take a long time for my son and I to distance our love from here. I don’t mean my son to distance his love from her but really miss her for a while till we can get back on our normal track again. Sign……..wish our communication was better. Wish wish wish that none of this happen so I wouldn’t have to see my son pain in a way that I cannot explain.
This time when Tran came and pick up her son she drove in her new Mercedes Ben E240 car. She complains that our son doesn’t have enough to eat and getting skinner. That brings back to the question if she care why do what she do? Sighh……ok I gotta quit this blaming….its just communication problems and differences that Tran and I cannot work out. Oh well lets hope one day she’ll realize what she done and not work out will affect our son so much….I tried to work out everything I could but she won’t. I don’t feel so bad anymore. Oh well wish the best of luck to Miss. Tran
“Con Trai cua Cardin khong co the thieu nguoi me cung khong co the thieu nguoi cha. bay gio da thieu nguoi me roi bay gio cardin cung khong biet phai lam sao. Cardin cung muon mot gia dinh complete nhung dau the lam mot minh. Chi biet om be trieu ma khoc trong diem.”
Cardin da throw everything that Tran gave. I just don’t want to take it and down the road she say I take her stuff. I rather not take anything and try to do everything myself for now till I can heal. I was beat up by her while living with her parents and couldn’t speak because I was afraid being kicked out. I was afraid if I don’t listen my son won’t have me in his life. Therefore I had to keep my mouth shut and take all the abuse that was lay upon me by her father and her. On the other side I am a man of responsibilities. I slept with her so I stick with her till the end or till she walked out on me. She walked out on me so I don’t feel bad at all. I wish the best luck to her. =)